Elizabeth Bennett's Story

All my life I have lived up to certain role models, role models not the ordinary girl would usually choose but people who were different. My role models, did what their hearts told them, they stood up for what they believed and fought even harder for it. My role models, were Elizabeth Bennett, Jane Eyre, Belle (yes from Beauty and the Beast), and Eponine. These women very different to each their own story, but they were never afraid to say what they felt, they were courageous in sticking to what they believed, and they fought for those believes with all they had, and they saw past the ordinary and saw the world in a different light. In my life I have striven to gain some of the virtues of these amazing women, and now it is my time to use them.

So to clear up any confusion on the matter of my welfare I would like to clear it up by saying:

1. YES it's true the ratio of activities that are offered here and the amount of those activities I have been to are low. BUT not one of those times did I not have homework to be doing! I took an idea from Tiffani and am starting to do my homework out on the beach but it has been REALLY cloudy lately so I go when it's sunny but that has not occurred for many days so until then I do my homework in my dorm where my computer is safest, I have food, and where Heidi comes to do homework with me and keep me company. FHE is almost impossible to go to because I have to go to bed early enough so when I wake up I feel like I slept in. Which means that to try and be in bed around 9:30pm while trying to go to a 9 pm function that sometimes doesn't even start till 9:30 wouldn't really workout. Any weekend activities usually cost money so...kinda trying to not do that. SO...overall I am fine social wise! I am making friends in my own way through my classes or in my ward that I want to make. I simply can't start trying to fulfill a certain number of new people I meet a day and feel like I'm going about it naturally. I want to make friends at my pace and in my own way and I do that. I do have friends, Heidi is my overall best friend here but I do have other friends here. So...I would appreciate the slight hints about being social to stop if you please!

2. YES it is true that I'm struggling with the church at the moment but I still go, I'm not going inactive, like you think. My testimony isn't just at where I would like it to be right now but everyone suggesting all these different ways just isn't helping, I feel like I have obligations to fill and promises to keep. I need to do this on my own people. Sure a nice quote or scripture or an answer to a problem is fine, but any advice more than that I would appreciate it if you would let me ask you first. Some of you know some of the problems, some of you don't, and some of you think you know the problems. I am the only one who knows ALL of my problems with the church and unless I ask you a problem or ask you for advice please...just continue loving me and just show your support in any way you can. But I need to do this on my own.

3. YES You may feel lately that I haven't been in touch with the family and that is mainly out of busyness but another reason is just that I can't go through a conversation without someone asking me about how my testimony is? am I working on it? what have I done to improve it? and how is the social life? how many new friends did you make today? You sound like you are inside why aren't you outside? Why aren't you more social with people? These questions....aren't helping me. I know they are out of love because you are worrying about me, but honestly its getting tiresome. These constant questions aren't because you miss me. It is because you are worried about my salvation, you are worried I'm going to leave the church, you are worried I'm not even going to church, you are worried that I'm just being in a hermit in my room all day only leaving for food, and you are worried that I'm not talking to anyone here and thence I am making no friends. I'm not leaving the church, I actually am going to church, my salvation has many band aids on it but it is a work in progress, I stay in my room when it's cloudy or if I need my computer but other than that I go to the beach to do my homework. And yes I do talk to people to make friends....surprising as it sounds.

4. YES I hang out with some guys here but I am still dating Kurtis. And I don't care what you guys say about that, I don't care if you think we should break up, I don't care if you think that I'm going to find a boy here that is better, I don't care if you think he is changing me for the bad, and I certainly do not care that you may not like him, but you guys better change all of your minds soon. By the time I come home for Christmas, I do not want one bad/rude comment be in his direction whether or not I or he is there to hear it. He has done nothing but nice things for each of you. He spent 8 hours putting up our Christmas lights last year on a school night just because he wanted to help since there were no boys around to do it for my mom. He has played with Payton, Landon, and he has held Porter every time he gets a chance. He loves those kids and would be willing to play with them for hours. He has helped me clean up the house multiple times and hm...oh he has made me happy! That should be the most important reason of all for you to like him other than the fact that he is an amazing guy who is almost impossible to not like. He has made me happy whether you see that or not. The only reason I don't always show this happiness is because it breaks my heart how much you guys mistreat him. Both he and I can tell when you are being fake or genuine, when you guys are fake, it just breaks his heart along with mine wondering what he did wrong. All he did wrong was love me, and in my book, loving someone is not a crime, it's usually a cause for...hmm...I don't know maybe happiness? Support? I know you guys think he has made a bad influence on me, but the only bad influence that has been made, is you guys on him about the church. Our church is about accepting all who are willing to come, and he was willing to come at first just for me, but gee you guys could have helped by showing that our church is not judgmental. But no you guys didn't. And now he thinks you all don't like him just because he isn't a member. The only change in me that he created, is a change of view, and not in that I don't love the church anymore. But he opened my eyes to the entire world for what it is, he helped me in bringing out the true beginnings of my own testimony, my own knowledge that I have learned for myself, not for my parents, not for my family, not for Sunday school or young women's, but for me. And if that decreased my testimony, then sure I admit it did. But i only planted the seed in a garden bed away from my family...to grow on its own. I love Kurtis with all my heart, and you better start just accepting that instead of trying to force other guys on me because it is my heart, and I decide who it belongs to and who I think it is the safest with, and I know without a doubt in my mind that it couldn't be in a safer place. And there is nothing you can do to stop or change that.

I love all of you, but I wish that your love and support could stretch to help me in my independence, my own relationship with God, and in supporting me in whom I choose to love...